The story behind my life

As you are aware  and know  I am an actress and model  but what most people don’t know and  realise  is there are reasons why  I  found  this  talent and skill  within myself. First of all my childhood was never the  best I grew up being around parent’s that were  alcoholics and  abusers   I would hear them  fighting and  smashing plates  and glasses . this went on throughout my childhood to which I  had to  try and  hide  it and  live  a  life   hiding my feelings and emotions  at school where I was  bullied  I finished  my first and middle school  life   in a Church of England school where I had a classroom  helper to  help with my learning as I was  behind   on learning  due to having  hearing problems  so when I finished year  7 I went on to a  Special needs school  where I started  in year 8  I didn’t have many friends in  the other school as I was being picked on   but when I went to my new school   I  made friends with  everyone  and even helped them  with  reading and  writing  in the  classroom  but what many wasn’t  aware of is that   I went  through  being  sexually abused as  a child since the age of 4 until I reached  16 . At  the age of  15 I  got my first  job  in a retirement  home  cleaning at weekends  it was  really good because it meant I got away  from   home and  away from school  too  and the employer was lovely  to me and so kind  but because of  laws   after a while she  had to let me  go  which I understood and appreciated  that she  gave me that opportunity to   work. so when it got to the summer  of  1998  I  finished    school and  was  offered a  job  in a   supermarket   filling  shelves   so I  took that   job offer as well as studying  I.T at  college  then since then after  I finished college  and  left  the supermarket job  within  4 years there  I had worked  various other  jobs  in  call centres,  the local cinema, local night club , local bowling alley,  another  supermarket and  even at the local  airport  and in a  train  station in  London.  what I haven’t yet mentioned   about my childhood  is that I was   in the  Girls  Brigade,  2 drum and bugle corps ( as winter  guard and playing xylophone), The police  cadets and   St  Johns  ambulance . I  have  also over the years learnt  many new creative skills   that I discovered such as  writing  poetry, singing  and   being a   radio presenter  both online and in a  studio these  I discovered while I was depressed  another thing   I dealt with was in 2005  my son was born  the  father was  from Iran  and was  bad to me  he was  very violent  and so I lost my son and  he ended  up being put in foster  care. I did try to fight to get him  back but being on  very low income   claiming  benefits and  having to  use legal aid didn’t  really help so   each time I went to court  I was made to look a fool   they made me out as thick and made me look like I was  not good to parent  with  tests I agreed to do  such as a  cognative   test , a parenting assessment and  psychiatric  one and the only reason I agreed to them is   I thought I would get my son back but after 3 & half years  fighting in court and not getting anywhere  it was getting me  down  I got so  ill I was  getting depressed   suffering  anxiety and panic attacks  and even scared to leave my own house I would shut myself  in and  stay in  bed or watch tv  because I was scared what people would say about me .  and  the court even made me  go through  the process of reporting  the sexual abuse  I had  from my father  so that  wasn’t helping much either  so I had to go through taking  statements  and having  2 video interviews  and  they still let him  out on bail eventually the case got dropped  and I had to face that  all I was   unemployed from 2005  suffering all these  health issues and  I did seek help  over the  years  I attended a course  of how to handle anxiety and panic  attacks  and I went to a sexual abuse victims  group which  I  couldn’t handle so instead I went back to my doctor  and asked for one to one counselling and  medication  which  helped and  it got to 2012 where I eventually  snapped out of  it  and  went to my doctor for a  routine check  for depression and  she noticed I changed and  asked what changed me I told her I didn’t know  but  I just was  keeping busy and  with all the previous help I  had I got by and even started a  career  in  being an  extra  I began  that  by doing a few unpaid low budget type films  where I met some  really  great  friends that  I still keep in contact with them  and received   great  advice from them too and bearing in mind I sat there  quietly and  nervous not knowing what  to  expect  in my first experience on  set  but  found that was   the best  day of my life  where I realised I turned a  whole new chapter in my life and  could finally  move on and progress in my life  so I signed  up with agencies  and started my career  from there  and since then   made  lots of great  friends in the industry and  progressed  on further into modelling  acting and  even TV  roles . In 2010 I was  diagnosed with Lymphoema  and   had to go to hospital every  day to have  the  blisters drained and popped  for quite a few months  and then it progressed to visiting the doctors and  going to the  local   hospice  to have special  support stockings  measured and  fitted . this was  quite a  tiring  process . lymphoema  is very painful   and uncomfortable  to have  it  causes  swelling   in the arms  legs  groin glands  and affects the organs and is very tiring to have  it isn’t  a fat related  disease  it can  be caused  by  having  radio  therapy  or  having had  breast cancer and other  types of cancer   you can  look it up in google   for more information as there are  2 types of this condition  anyway despite having all this  happen in my life   I want people to know whatever challenges life throws at you never   give   up on yourself  believe in  yourself and  never  give  up on  your hopes and dreams  if you have a goal   aim to achieve it  and that will become a  success  by staying around good supportive people and  yes people will always attack with  jealousy  but don’t let  them get to you . I hope you enjoyed reading my blog